| | Rough Draft Story |  |
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infected_gallade
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|  Subject: Rough Draft Story  Fri Jan 01, 2010 10:20 pm | |
| Pokemon Story
By: Stephen Ray Swann
Prologue
It all started 1,000 years ago. Pokemon, all over the world, were behaving, mysteriously. Nobody knew why or what caused it. One day, one of the pokemon turned into pure darkness and attacked all the pokemon, making them shadow pokemon. The residents of nearby towns built indestructible walls around there citys and the roads leading to other towns to keep the pokemon out and to keep them from going into other towns. One day, the shadow pokemon mysteriously disappeared, leaving behind eggs. Inside one of the eggs was the fabled, Angelo, the Angel pokemon. In another egg was Devilo, the Devil pokemon. Shortly after there eggs hatched, they pitted against each other for control over the world, Angelo for peace and Devilo for destruction. In the end, Angelo sealed Devilo back inside his egg and sealed it inside a tomb deep under ground. Angelo then sealed herself into her egg and sealed herself into a pendant that will be passed down from generation to generation. 1,000 years have passed and danger had seemed to go by. Now, we start off with our young boys journey to stop the ongoing darkness.
Chapter 1
Devilo's Awakening
"Hey, Evan, wake up!" A young voice shouted from the window. I slowly opened my eyes and raised up. Standing by the open window was I appreciate all help. Its not finished yet and whoever wants to help, please do so. I want all members on the forum here to be in this story. It does not have anything to do with the comic. Except it has the clone items and stuff. :3 | |
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:05 pm | |
| Clever, but there a quite a bit of problems I see.
1. Pokemon is almost always capitalized, as it's a proper noun.
2. How does one build an indestructible wall?
3. "citys" should be "cities".
4. No offense intended, but Angelo and Devilo aren't exactly clever names. You can either change the names to something like "Seraphim" and "Exile" or whatever, or change the description to Pokemon of Peace and Pokemon of War or similar. It seems a bit redundant.
5. there = their
6. "1,000 years have passed, and the danger diminished." You can change it to that; I think it would make that statement sound better.
7. boys' journey
This is a great story, and I enjoyed the basic outline of it, even if it isn't finished. Keep up the good work. | |
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infected_gallade
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:09 pm | |
| Would you like to help with it? Thats why its posted. WE can write this story like discuss it and everything. I am new at writing pokemon stories and it means a lot that you posted the info. It'll help me in the future. | |
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:14 pm | |
| - lugia wrote:
- Would you like to help with it? Thats why its posted. WE can write this story like discuss it and everything. I am new at writing pokemon stories and it means a lot that you posted the info. It'll help me in the future.
Aah, I would help but my ideas may conflict with yours heavily; I tend to stay out of those kinds of things, sorry. It's alright if you're new at writing stories, just work on it, get better, use proper writing techniques, etc. | |
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infected_gallade
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:17 pm | |
| what are some of your ideas? | |
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:18 pm | |
| I dunno, it's too short for me to contribute ideas just yet. | |
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infected_gallade
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:20 pm | |
| All right, can you help me with the Angelo and Devilo renames? | |
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:23 pm | |
| Sure thing, we can chat on the Chatbox or by PM. Are they similar to all-powerful characters or will they be lower than Arceus? | |
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infected_gallade
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| | Subject: Re: Rough Draft Story Sat Jan 02, 2010 10:26 pm | |
| They are lower than Arceus. They are in the category of Dialga and Palkia and Giratina
Dialga being space I may have these two mixed up
Palkia being time
Giratina being Distortion
Angelo > > Angelo is the power of the heavens, or Light
Devilo > > Devilo is the power of hell, or darkness
I did there names because we haven't really changed them yet. :3 | |
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